Against It All.

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PENAT

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Penat lah. I'm so sick of living my life in presence. I'm stressed up about my life. Full of hypocrisy. You probably see me laughing, but it's not real. My heart doesn't smile. If I think about it again, why? Why am I so upset? I'm upset over everything. From friends to my heart. I'm the type who put friends first than myself. Friends are everything. I depend on them, a lot. I'm surrounded by many people, yet, I still feel alone. I have to take care of my friends' feelings. I need to tell them, you're gonna be alright. I have to listen to every single thing that happens to them. Yes. I am more than happy to do that. To comfort them. To please them. But, has it ever once occurred to them what I feel? Have they ever tried to listen to my problems? All they know is "I have my own problems to deal with, go solve yours yourself". All they do is "Relax, it's already gone" and just PUFF, disappear. Never once they try to stay there, listen, and cry with me. Never once. Never once they call me "Hey, I'm here with bla bla. Want to join us?". It's always me who try to entice myself, "Hey, you're strong. Remember. things happen for a reason". Don't you just hate it, when you are ready to go to class with your friends, all you know is, they are already gone to class? Without telling you first? It's very disappointing. But you, you call them first, "Hey, are you ready yet?" and you wait for them when they are not yet ready. It really disappoints me to the max. That's why, I have stopped doing that. Nevertheless, there's one Hamba Allah who's there to enlighten my day. Her name's Intan Nur Ashilla. She's always by my side. She's always there for me. When I cry, she's there with me. During the times I can't even stand on my own two feet, she's there to pick me up. She listens to me. She laughs with me. She really knows me. She's like my mom. Really. No joke! She's very lovely. She doesn't get mad easily. She's like Air and I'm Api. :) Thank you Intan Nur Ashilla Mohd Apandi. You've helped me go through this crappy life. No words can ever describe your kindness! I love you! :)You're the only person that doesn't treat me like trash. :) Thank you.